I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
