maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
