he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
