I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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