i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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