He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
honey bunches of taint.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
