I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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