R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize