No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
