i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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