blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
