this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
