roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I had to cum in my sink.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
