im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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