just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
