this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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