The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
