my sisters under your porch take her home
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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