Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
