the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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