Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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