you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Someone came in the potted fern
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
