I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
