The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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