i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
