I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I need moral support for this bender
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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