If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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