party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
