Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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