so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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