you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
