Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
