I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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