billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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