How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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