There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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