I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
