First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
