Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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