Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
