Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
