I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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