Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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