i think my tv is drunk
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can't turn off my feet"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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