I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
