i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
