There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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