My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
