If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
