hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
